redwoods

this is along the coast. the fog starts here, then rises up into the forest... then condenses on the tops of the enormous and gorgeous trees. its awesome.

redwood forest. coastal trail

the pic at the top is looking up into the forest. these three pics seriously do NOT capture the beauty. you must go!!!! miles and miles of forest look like this... but its so much more intense when you're there!

its in the way you move

( picture of Gene Kelly)

I gave you my number over the internet. then my address. we made a date.

You entered the room to pick me up. I was shocked at your height. I greeted you. I noticed that your face was scarred. you had a space between your front teeth. 'He's okay... ' I thought to myself.

We went dancing. ballroom, salsa, and swing. We'd just made a connection. We both considered ourselves disco roller-skaters (Theres only a handful of us disco skaters in this state, this nation, or this world for that matter). A connection.

We went inside. Apparently it was "Old People dance night." This didn't stop us. The live band was full of energy. Music and rhythm seeped into the elderly and wrinkled skin and made their feeble bodies move in such a way as to make one think they'd just fallen in love.

While taking it all in, my eyes fell upon you. You were across the room. My heart sped up and my breath caught in my throat.

You danced amongst them. Alone- It was in the way you moved. Confident. Owning the attention. Knowing your effect. smiling effortlessly. you were energy. 6'5", thin, broad shouldered. you towered the room. Your face defined. Thick brows and green eyes. Chiseled, strong features. Curly, thick dark unruly hair that swung into your eyes and onto your neck. I realized it then. I'd never seen anything or anyone quite like you.

Chills ran up my spine...he's gorgeous...

The powerful Latin music beat through the room with penetrating rhythm. Your playful and hungry eyes looked me over as my body moved toward yours. You grabbed me and pinned me hard and tight against your body so that I could feel all of you. Every move you made.

Everyone watched us as we moved. Music pumped our world full of energy. Time stopped for us. It always has. We were together- only we existed.

power. grace. you moved and anything was possible. Your eyes never left mine. Your face, tight in concentration, would now and then relax. you'd smile. bashfully and playfully- remembering that we were still strangers.

Large powerful steps took me around the floor with you. I was light in your arms. Your eyes devouring me. pushing, pulling, twirling, dipping...

We left the dance full of passion and excitement for each other. We talked excitedly as we relaxed at Dennys. Intelligent. Ambitious. You were confident, yet humble. Devoid of reservation, inhibition, or guile. Different. You were different.

We were almost to my house. Two more streets. You slowed the car. It barely moved down the dark road. You opened the sun roof, turned on some classical music, and looked over at me. Your eyes sparkled with excitement and warmth. You stopped the car at the speed bump on the 4675 south. Turning the music up, you opened your door, and stepped out. You walked around the car, took my hand, and pulled me out.

We danced there in the darkness. Our bodies swaying slowly against each other. We linger there. You dipped me and held me close to you. This would eventually become our ritual. Our way of ending our nights together.

Before dropping me off, you told me that you wanted to wrap me up and put me in your pocket for safe keeping. You wanted to see me the next night and the night after that. I was frightened by your confidence and declined both offers. But i accepted the third. and many more after that.

Lake Tahoe

Yes, I've invested in narcissism to the point of a lifelong romance. But look, I'm going to Lake Tahoe in two weeks from now! And I'm trying to be positive about going to this incredibly romantic place by myself.

Picture this:
A boat on a lake. Gorgeous forest of delicious, crisp air pine trees-ness (that doesn't make sense. Its just how I feel). Pure and clean emerald water. Its midnight. The sky is overwhelming. Its enormous and crystal clear. Piercingly brilliant stars everywhere. The lake is gently moving the boat beneath you... Swaying and rocking you. The comforting smell of barbecuing and camp fires drift out to the boat from the shore. The sound of the water hitting the boat is all you can hear.

This scene is going to go from potential glorious surreal-ness of romantic sweetness to pure torture-ous hell. Why? Because I will be with myself and my parentals- whom I love dearly- but honestly!!!

I wish there was a store that sold people for "vacation purposes." Where the people they sell are madly in love with you and you with them. And where they were sold at a good reasonable price ranging around the value of $10.00.

100 things about me

1. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
2. I love reading The Book of Mormon and the Bible
3. I love to disco rollerskate... meaning I love to rollerskate to disco music
4. I love to sketch people's faces
5. I went from an Art major to a Math major to a Nursing major
6. I'm indecisive when making big decisions
7. Although I'm indecisive I do not like it when people make decisions for me
8. I workout every morning
9. I love exercising first thing in the morning
10. my family thinks I work out too much
11. i love to get really really grouse and sweaty and exhaust my body--then take a gorgeous shower!!! ah..
12. i love mountains and mountain air
13. i can't stand having dry hands
14. i love cologne on a handsome jaw line
15. i like tall (concerning men)
16. i feel guilty whenever I complain or gossip
17. I am scared of people who have tempers
18. I rarely yell or get mad
19. I love houses with many open spaces, great big windows, and lots of white/creamy, warmish tones
20. I've never had an eating disorder
21. I love peanut butter
22. Amo Brasileiros e Brasileiras
23. I love to camp-- love to be in a tent during a rain storm
24. I won state champion of couple's figure rollerskating in 2002
25. My family is always encouraging me to persue my 'artistic gift'
26. I'm going into nursing so that i'll have money
27. I spent a year and 6 months in Brazil as a missionary of my Church
28. I have many many wonderful memories of my childhood with my family.
29. I think that reading is the key to gaining knowledge and understanding. the more you read the better
30. I love Brazil
31. I love The United States of America too
32. love speeding across a glassy lake at suset or sinrise or whenever...
33. I love to play the piano. its my form of venting
34. I have spent countless hours among/preaching and serving people who are very poor
35. I'm supposed to be running a marathon in two months
36. I believe my mother is my truest friend
37. My ballerina teacher wanted me to dance for ballet west
38. I love to latin, ballroom, and country dance
39. I've modeled for two different photographers
40. and I just did pictures I hope my family will never see
41. I love baking chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.
42. I wish I had a gay guy friend that could be close to me like a boyfriend
43. so that I would have someone to hang out with all the time
44. I love words
45. I am a voluteer for IHC hospice home care
46. I grew up being bullied by a girl in my ballet class
47. I never told my mother because I was ashamed
48. All the other girls where in her power and tormented me also
49. I grew up believing I was very very ugly
50. It took a great deal of reading and therapy and boyfriends to overcome this. i'm over it now
51. I think people who have dementia and alzhemers very funny
52. I love passion and romance
53. I watch television very rarely, but will turn it on for back ground noise
54. I love to be with the person I'm love with and it doesn't matter what we do as long as I'm with him
55. I love fattening food... all of it. especially chocolate with peanut butter
56. Other people are my number 1 reason for living
57. I think everyone has good intentions and deserves the benefit of the doubt
58. I think everyone should sing regardless of talent
59. I love to dip my food in stuff... anything. i love dipping
60. I have to retake Human physiology, anatomy, and chemistry because I got a C- in all of them
61. my brothers are the 4 most beautiful guys in this world. sweet, charming, hard-working, good men
62. I 've operated a tractor (back hoe with buck and shovel) in order to install a plumbing system
62. I've installed a plumbing system and plumbing manifold for 4 houses
63. I know how to install and fix spriklers
64. my dad loves to work on cars
65. he has me help him work on cars, transmissions... everything
66. I'm fascinated by eyes and lips. I love eyes that sparkle.
67. I have very sexual fantasies about my x-boyfriend. (which are very sexy might I add) and i feel guilty for having them
68. I enjoy wearing granny underwear. once in a while sexy is fine... just not as comfy
69. I'm very loyal to those I love
70. I will do anything to be on time
71. my family used to tease me to death about spending too much time in the bathroom
72. my brother used to fart on my head when I was little
73. I absolutely suck at cooking. dang!
74. everyone in my familyhas dark hair and blue eyes.
75. I love analyzing peoples faces... artistically. focusing on the lines and contours as they move in space
76. i do NOT like being alone if i can be around people i love
77. i would rather be alone that be around pessimistic people
78. i love big dogs. we've always had yellow labradors
78. i want to have a great dane or anything huge... a masstiff, borzoi, st. bernard
79. I'm fascinated by the way people define reality
80. my grandmother started a charity for troubled youth. shes accomplished very much. she's my hero
81. i love to laugh. real laugh. the type that hurts your stomach
82. i love making others laugh
83. i enjoy wit and dry humor
84. i'm overly passionate
85. i eat ice cream every night. I love cookie dough... I love digging for cookie dough in icecream
86. my dad says that i'm his "princess"
87. he demands kisses from me. i love this.
88. I went to Italy to search out art. particularly Caravaggio and Bernini
89. i love math equations
90. I believe that some day I'll be a very good cook
91. i enjoy hard work followed by serious relaxation
92. i love to play basketball, golf, and I love to snow & water ski, and bike
93. i love going to cultural events
94. I am not incredibly private. I'll open up to most anyone
95. I've been heart broken three times... each time thinking I'd never find anyone ever again. but i always do
96. I love all species of babies
97. I very rarely cry
98. my parents think i'm the most independent in the family
99. I will do anything for a back massage/tickle.
100. I'm optimistic by choice